I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
