lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
