she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
