so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
