i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
