I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
