I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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