Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was like giving head to a cactus.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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