If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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