so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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