some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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