Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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