Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wish there were birth control emojis
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
