the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
