I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
