saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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