I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
