Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize