I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
