No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
