Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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