I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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