Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
