she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
