it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
