i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
