For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
