i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
