I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
