How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
