the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
