im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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