Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
