apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize