i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
