Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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