weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
