what day is it and did you see me today?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
