Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize