He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
