So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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