Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
