yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
