There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
