Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
