my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
