you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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