You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
