did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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