Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
