I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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