A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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