Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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