The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
