Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
