This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
