I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
