You're my little dorito
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize