It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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