Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
