K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize