wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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