Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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