i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize