Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
